Echo/Crossed Out Name/Dreaming Against Me

Unbeknownst to so many of us, there is a force out there that seems to guide us on a path we don't understand.  It leads us on every action we partake, it leads us every person we meet, and it even makes me write things that even I don't understand (take this blog, for instance).

This crazy unforeseen "force" that I speak of could be explained away through connecting seemingly meaningful coincidences.  It's because of this mystical guiding entity that I reflect upon things that mean nothing to so many others, yet such trivialities mean so much to me.  

At the end of the year, I'll be waxing philosophical on the same things as always: 

1.)  My top songs of the year.

2.)  Dumbest Dodger moment of the year.  Actually, come to think of it... that's not necessary.  Let's just all agree that Andruw Jones didn't live up to the hype.

3.)  Movie of the year.

4.) Etc. etc. (the "potpourri" category/ies).

Compared to 2007, 2008 found me on a profound upswing.  I left Chico in the dust towards the end of last year, and started to find a better me because of it.

This year I met a few people that, even though I don't see them much, have had a tremendous positive influence on me.  I can't say that I've met a single person that really brought me down (there were a few pockets of doubt here and there, but live and let live, right?).  There were people that I reconnected with and now consider amongst my closest friends.  There was even a scrotum-punching 3 year-old second cousin that drove me insane but captured my heart.

I've had moments of growling, chest-beating machismo that was confused by so many as a level of arrogance that no one ever thought possible from me.  You know what though?  Arrogance?  You're right.  But it was earned.  I'm awesome.  I think this year proved it.  I dropped 80 pounds in 8 months (I've gained about 12 back in the seesaw that is my resolve to stay at the gym, but I'm going to piece it all back together soon... or die trying!).

And lest we forget that some people even think that I can cook now (I guess that little thing called a "degree" points in that direction, right?).

I think that this year is marked by personal achievement.  Above all, however, I give thanks to the people that lifted me up this year.  Some hail from Santa Monica or Malibu and encourage me to stay awesome everyday; these are friends that for some reason or another accept me at my strangest and they even accepted me at my fattest.  A few of these friends hailed from Orange County and livened my weekends up for a while this year--for a few fleeting weekends and some random events, they made 100 miles feel like 5--they overlooked my quirky, endearing awkward behavior and humored my need to have an ear to spout nuggets of nothingness into.

So here I sit, caffeine-stained shivers and all, bemused at the mistaken emptiness that I can't quite make into a useful thought.

Scene after scene passes by my life

The window's a wound, the road is a knife

The irony, ask me, 'where have you been?'

I don't know, I don't know

Because I don't know where to begin....

Sur Les Cendres

I am officially on my way to my career in the kitchen.

True story.

True awesome story.

It will be legendary.

And, to top it off, I set TiVo to record the newest episode of How I Met Your Mother, "The Bracket".

THAT was awesome.

Not Exactly Normal (Sharing A Food Idea)

Okay, so I'm working on some simple twice-baked potatoes.

What I'm using:

 

-18 potatoes (not a joke)

-2 whole sticks of UNSALTED butter

-pepper (enough to taste)

-shredded chedder and jack cheese (about 16 oz.)

-Chardonnay oak smoked sea salt (the aroma alone makes it worth while)

-several sprigs fresh thyme

-1 tablespoon crushed rosemary (use a bit more if it's fresh!)

Steps:

1. Wash potatoes

2. Bake them at 400 degrees for about 45 minutes

3. Take potatoes out, cut them open length-wise (about 1/3 of the way towards the center of each potato).

4. Scoop out most of the insides, leaving a little of the insides.

5. Put insides (and the cut-off parts) into a bowl, along with the butter, pepper, salt, and other ingredients (except the cheese).  Mix.

6. Scoop mixture back into potato hulls, top each potato with some of the shredded cheese.

7. Bake until the cheese has melted.

Pretty damn spiffy (and the 18 potatoes is an awfully large amount, obviously use less if you're only cooking for a few people--1 potato per person, perhaps?). 

Enjoy it.

The Thomas Jane Factor

Baby, just burn.....

Yeah.  I'm hopped-up on straight-firing adrenaline after stepping on the scale this morning.  I've dropped another few pounds, reaching 176 pounds.  This means that I have come within 16 pounds of my "goal".  My brother is encouraging me to reach into the depths of my resolve in order to go the extra mile--why not shoot for an even healthier 150 pounds?  I think I can do that.

After I hit the ground with my weight-loss, it will be time to maintain.... and possibly develop the Thomas Jane "Punisher" physique.  THAT would be me in ABSOLUTELY amazing shape.  I can fucking do it.  I can push myself to destroy..... OBLITERATE.... the little wimp that I was for the last 2 years.

Don't give me oil, just gasoline!

I just got back from one of the toughest cardio sessions at the gym that I've ever pushed myself to go through.  I started sweating about 6 minutes in, and didn't stop for an hour.  I wouldn't be surprised if I sweated off a pound.  I did, however, notice that I got way too involved in pushing myself.... nearly to the point of my heart giving out....  I need to keep a more watchful eye on that.  I know that I've done longer sessions of cardio, but this session... this was so high impact!!!

Baby, just burn!

See what happens when you start going to the gym!??!!?!?!?!?!?!??!?!?!?

ROOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!

That's right....  start me up, I'll never stop.  

Plastic California

I'll never understand being part of a possessive relationship (although one might argue that I was a bit possessive of Ashley, I think that that notion waned over time due to the fact that she turned me into a pathetic mess).  Personal freedom is a great and wonderful thing, and restricting friends because of gender?  That's just plain idiotic.

Not that anyone in such a relationship is a bad person, but what is it that pushes someone to stay in such a predicament?  Oh, I'm sure love is there, but if someone loves you, they won't get angry/jealous/possessive of you being around someone else.

Christ, all I wanted to do is hang out.... and I got shot down because of the whole jealous boyfriend factor (if you ever read this, yeah.... you're one of the prettiest girls I've ever seen, but it isn't difficult for me to say that and do nothing other than hang out).  Shrug it off.  I'm always ready and willing to hang out, so if the situation changes, I'll gladly be up for it.  Until then, my opinion is that you should dump his ass if he really is that way.  

"You got to get up, and climb that hill again" -Tom Petty

That should be a new mantra for me.  It works on so many levels.  Gym, women, culinary, life....

Get Up And Climb That Hill Again....

What is it that kills my motivation (I guess this is more of a continuance of the last entry)?

I haven't been to the gym in just over a week.... I've still lost a pound with little effort (if you can believe it), and right now I'm trying to gather the strength to get off my dead ass and actually go do some cardio!

At least it will be much easier in three days or so, after I have gone every day up to that point.  Then, the gym will be a drug again.

Ugh.... this is going to be dreadful, but worth it.  Especially tomorrow, my "marathon" day.

I'm Alright (You Gotta Go There To Come Back)

 Ahhhh, capricious youth.  Something I don't quite remember ever touching on.

Instead, I seem to lead a boring life peppered with the infidelities of a few surprising little actions..... I don't really see it as being some complex dichotomy of self, just a way to describe the little hiccups that seem to create an illusion of splendor.

So... in other words, I'm going to go back to my boring-ass life and play a little bit of the ol' Lunar:  Silver Star Story Complete on my PS2, go to sleep with an unfulfilled expectation that I might take a *crossing fingers* good "new" friend to a concert tomorrow night (as I shamelessly keep my phone within the waiting grasp of my all-to-eager hands for her call), and wake up with the urge to spend more than six hours at the gym tomorrow morning.

Where does my ambition go sometimes?